Tuesday 31 May 2011

Monaco Chavs



Monaco is a funny old place. For 360 days of the year it is a sleepy town, known for its orange residents, glamorous shops, expensive restaurants, hoardes of yappy dogs and a general `God`s Waiting Room` feel to it. But for the remaining 5 days of the year the Grand Prix is in town, and I am starting to get the feeling that Monaco is getting a bit fed up of it.

Don`t get me wrong, what I have experienced in the past week has been fantastic. The highlight of my year. I love nearly everything about this place. The weather, the track, the parties, the harbour, the ladies, the boats..... oh and a fabulous race.

The only thing I didn`t like about Monaco this year, and I`m not really sure how to say this.

But.
It`s just Monaco, is uhhmmm, losing it a bit, it`s just not as exclusive as it used to be, it`s becoming a bit, err, ........Chavvy.

When I first went to Monaco for the GP over 10 years ago it was a huge privilege to be there. I once arrived in a helicopter. There was a sponsor party every night, or an invitation to dinner and it was all fairly well behaved. Celebrities mixed with drivers and media and mechanics. The streets were clean and nobody dared make a noise after about 1am. There has always been a bit of japery and outlandish behaviour in Monaco with James Hunt topping the list, but it was all done with an air of class.

As the years have gone by, Monaco has started to attract a different type of follower. The Monaco weekend now seems to be a good excuse for a club 18-30 style Euro piss up. The section of track alongside the harbour chicane becomes a techno disco, come rave party, come strip club, each evening. Very few actually see any cars on track as they are either sleeping off a hangover or on their way back to Nice from the night before. The streets that used to be covered in Chiwawa shit are now covered in Chav vomit.

The Racsasse Bar was, and still is, the place for a drink each evening. The opportunity to socialise and have a few drinks whilst standing on the same piece of circuit, that literally a couple of hours before witnessed cars battling along it, is something novel in motor racing. It`s just not quite so novel when surrounded by drunken sweaty men oggling anything in a miniskirt, singing along to YMCA whilst supping a warm beer in a plastic glass that has cost you more than your monthly wages to buy.

Not all of these weekend warriors are vomiting in the street. There is another type of Monaco Chav. The ones that sit on their boats, hugely overweight, surrounded by pretty Russian hookers whilst blasting out RnB at full volume. The `nouveau riche` Chav.

Never has the line `Money doesn`t buy you taste` been so true.

Wednesday 11 May 2011

Motorsport Rich List





Motorsport Rich List: A list of British based high-earners involved in Motorsport.

You may expect the biggest sporting earners in Britain to be footballers or maybe golfers, but it seems that actually Motorsport is where the cash is at. If you want to get rich quick, you had better get driving, and I mean cars not golf balls!

The men at the top have all made their own money, be it in steel, telecoms, aviation or whisky. But it seems that the old guard of ex-drivers out rank their current day challengers with Irvine, Coulthard and Mansell beating Britain`s big shots Jenson and Lewis, however I`m sure time will eventually change that.

The other noticeable point to make is, the only female entry into the Rich List. Slavica Ecclestone. Who manages to have a net worth of 734 Million without having done a days work in the past 25 years.

Carlos Slim, (and Dietrich Mateschitz) although not actually British based, has been included to give some element of quite how rich he is. And also how lucky F1 is to have his involvement with Sergio Perez, Esteban Gutierrez and the Sauber F1 Team.

One to keep your eye on!


1. 74 Billion - Carlos Slim - Sauber Sponsor, Telecoms.
2. 17.5Billion - Lakshmi Mittal - Steel, Mate of Bernie and Flav's. Joint owner of QPR.
3. 5.5 Billion - Dietrich Mateschitz, Red Bull Owner.
4. 3.08 Billion - Richard Branson - Virgin Racing Team sponsor.
5. 2.5 Billion - Bernie Ecclestone - F1 Ring Master.
6. 1.4 Billion - Vijay Mallya - Force India Owner.
7. 734 Million - Slavica Ecclestone - Ex-wife of a certain F1 Ring Master.
8. 620 Million - Paddy McNally - F1 Paddock Club Founder and Allsport Management.
9. 480 Million - Michael Schumacher - 7 Time F1 World Champion.
10. 405 Million - Jan Mol - 50% Owner of Force India F1 Team
11. 375 Million - Simon Fuller - Manager to Lewis Hamilton and 19 Entertainment.
12. 177 Million - Ron Dennis - McLaren F1 Team and McLaren Cars.
13. 110 Million - Johnny Dumfries - Ex-F1 Driver and Inheritance of the Isle of Bute.
14. 100 Million - Frank Williams - Williams F1 Team.
15. 100 Million - Ross Brawn - Sale of Brawn F1 Team to Mercedes.
16. 93Million - Grahame Chilton - AON and father of aspiring drivers Tom and Max.
17. 85 Million - Martin Birrane - Lola, Mondello Park and Peer Group.
18. 80 Million - Eddie Irvine - Ex-F1 Driver and Property.
19. 58 Million - David Richards - Prodrive
20. 50 Million - Dario Franchitti - Indy Car Champion and married to Ashley Judd.
21. 50 Million - David Coulthard - Ex-F1 Driver and Property.
22. 50 Million - Nigel Mansell - Ex-F1 Driver and Property.
23. 48 Million - Jenson Button - F1 Driver
24. 41 Million - Jackie Stewart - Ex-F1 Driver and consultant.
25. 40 Million - Lewis Hamilton - F1 Driver
26. 33 Million - Jonathan Palmer - Ex-F1 Driver, MSV and father of GP2 Driver Jolyon
27. 30 Million - Damon Hill - Ex-F1 Driver.


Tuesday 10 May 2011

A Drunk World Champion



F1 driver briefings happen prior to every Grand Prix and are the thing of folklore. They are very much a closed-door affair with just the 24 race drivers, reserve drivers and team managers with Race Director Charlie Whiting in the hot seat. No media are allowed and the subject of the conversations that occur in these meetings very rarely see the light of day. This is partly due to the fact that whatever is discussed is probably incredibly boring, such as cutting kerbs, crossing white lines, DRS zones and the like. And partly, because all anybody is interested in, is whom Michael Schumacher will have an argument with.

Having said all of this, one strange request from Charlie Whiting in Istanbul this weekend was; that if any driver under the age of 24 reached the podium then they were not allowed to drink the champagne.

Turkey has recently come under some fairly stringent drinking laws and has chosen to increase the legal drinking age to 24! At age 23 this meant that when Sebastian Vettel jumped onto the top step of the podium, he legally couldn`t touch a drop of the winners bubbly.
What a crazy situation to find himself in. He has, since the age of 8, driven racing cars flat out, pretty much every day. He is a World Champion, whom I am guessing has maybe had a few shandy`s since to celebrate? He is employed by Red Bull who last year sold 3.9 billion cans, most of which I guess were mixed with Vodka.

But he is not allowed a little sip of the winners champagne on the podium.

Luckily, for sanity, in this mad world, Seb did have a sip. In fact he had a bloody great gulp, as shown in my photo above.

The police did not suddenly raid the podium and stick a breathalyser in his mouth. He didn`t even stumble, fall over and end up in a pile of vomit. Neither did he pick a fight with Fernando. He didn`t end up with the ugliest grid girl and regret it the following morning. He didn`t even slur ` I reaallly Luuurve Yooou` to Mark Webber. I am also guessing that he drove himself to the airport and didn't crash once. Madness.